Hello
Beautiful Ones,
I hope you are all well and gently emerging from the darkness of winter into the softness of spring.
I am finding it quite difficult to begin anything!
I have all good intention to create and write and birth newness into my world, but as soon as I am faced with the actual ‘doing’ part, I freeze. The words vanish. The ideas become a muddled mess in my mind. The newness melts into a pool of nothing and I freeze.
I literally can’t do anything. My body is seated in the spot I chose to be creative. My mind is berating itself for the lack of inspiration. My heart has lost its eagerness. My whole being is paralysed.
It’s exhausting!
And some days I label it as perimenopause, other times its definitely traits of ADHD and sometimes I think it’s the depression creeping in again. When really, I know it’s procrastination.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines procrastination as:
“to keep delaying something that must be done, often because it is unpleasant or boring:”
The thing is, what I am procrastinating over is neither unpleasant nor boring. It is exciting and new. It is expanding my heart and soul. It is about being seen and stepping more into my unique essence. It is about leaning into my dreams and creating conscious community. Finding new ways of being and sharing them with my community.
And so, as I sit here writing this I wonder, why do I procrastinate and delay my dreams? Why do I put off becoming so much more? Why do I hold back and hide?
The answer that arises..
Procrastination is FEAR.
This may not be true for all, but I have a feeling this will ring true for many.
I see procrastination as fear in disguise. It is a force that holds us back from the truth of who we are becoming. Its energy is savvy, sly and skilful. It holds us to ransom in a way that we believe doing nothing is better than doing the ‘thing’. It creates confusion within, bemusing us into thinking we are overwhelmed. Which by this point, we possible are.
And the reason we feel, know or sense this, is to keep ourselves safe, because if we do ‘the work’, or if we take that first step, we move into the unknown and that can feel extremely uncomfortable. Therefore, if we stay in our procrastination, in our comfort zone, our bodies and minds are protected from what we perceive as danger. That the fear of being more, being seen, being honest, is enough for us to say ‘no’ to our higher self. And, yes, we know deep down it will hold us back, keep us small, dim our light and those dreams that have been calling us, will stay just a dream, but is the risk worth it? Should we allow the fear in disguise to control our blueprint? And what happens if we push through the procrastination, what is on the other side?
Have you found it yet?
I believe that when we allow the flow of universal energy into our lives, to move through us, to trust in what is ready for us at the right time, we come into alignment, maybe just for a second, but we feel it. This is what is on the other side. This is what we are missing out on. The joy of trusting in ourselves, believing in our intuitive senses once again. Standing in the woman of our next breath. The woman we are becoming. And she is beautiful and full of herself and unravelling into the medicine she has carried for such a long, long time.
Let procrastination visit, let it whisper the fear into your heart, let it offer you the idleness, let it delay your doing – but only for a heartbeat, as you remember it has come to protect you, it thinks it is helping you. So, with the deepest gratitude, thank it and then remind it that now is your time to be more. To do more. To step into illuminated being that your ancestors have been praying for (even if that means just popping a wash on!)
All you do matters.
And remember there is beauty and freedom on the other side of procrastination.
Ok, so now I feel I have moved through all the emotions writing this - so thank you for reading and helping me become more. We can do this together.
So much love
Beccy xxx
And if you want to join Wild Ways Community (hopeful that I have dealt with procrastination and I will be able to produce wonderful work for you all) please..